Excuse me as I stumble through these awkwardly written words to get to my point. It's the way that I work, but I'll do my best to avoid speaking (or writing) discursively.

I have realized a few things about my life. First being, that it isn't mine. Second being, that until I stop acting like it's mine, I'm going to be discontent.

Life has been something to endure, never something to embrace. I've taken on challenges, pain, and hurt with a vigor, but have left little room to enjoy. Yes, I am strong, but what use is this strength if I have become so used to the challenges, that it is the only thing I allow myself to experience? Even more importantly, what use is this strength if I let it become outweighed by fear.

Strength is important, and the God-given strength that I have has been what enables me to go from one point to the other, but this same strength has become a sort of crutch.

I have been strong, but somewhere along the way I forgot how to be weak, and while strength is important, weakness is too.

Weaknesses remind me that I am a mere human.

Weaknesses remind me that God is stronger.

Weaknesses force me to trust in Him.

Weaknesses force me to realize that I cannot do things on my own.

And honestly, those are hard things to accept.

Somehow, I have let my strength become my weakness, and in fear of losing this strength I have allowed myself to be shut off to scenarios, situations, experiences, anything that reveals that I am weak. I will do this no more.

Slowly, I am learning to be thankful for my weaknesses, because they remind me that God is always bigger, always better. Yes, He will strengthen them, but it is all His doing, and all for His glory. He builds me up so others may see His work. He strengthens me, not to show my abilities, but to show His. If I had no weaknesses, if I do not admit to them, and do not show them, it would be impossible for Him to do this.