Permanency

The idea of consistency and permanency doesn't sit well with me. I have grown up in a home where furniture is always moving, sofas are always changing, even a vehicle was rare to be driven for more than 2 years. Change has always been a part of my life, which I am thankful for because it has given me the ability to say goodbye to things with some amount of ease and it certainly taught me that it was pointless to grow attached to a mere material object that was sure to disappear at some point or another. An acceptance and almost drive towards change does have its downfalls, though.

It is hard for me to grow close to people at times, and I certainly do not expect them to be there in the end. This has saved me from many heartaches and hurts, but it has also prevented me from being able to build long-lasting relationships that can encourage me and help me grow in my walk with God. The idea of a constant God who is always there and who will never leave me is just one more thing that is near impossible for me to grasp. It is hard for me to hold anything in my life as a constant, it is hard for me to trust something to be there forever.

I know that this has definitely been a hindrance in my relationship with God. There are times when my faith in Him falters, when I don't think that He will be there until the end, but I am beginning to realize that this weakness that I have is just one way Satan tries to disband me from God. It is frustrating, but I am certain that I can work through it. Where I am weak, God is strong. Whether I believe it or not is pointless when the fact is that He is and always will be there. My doubts can't change that, and I know that. So instead, I am allowing God to work in my to rid these doubts.

I cannot be successful in life if I am not doing what God has for me, and I cannot do what God has planned for me if I am not willing to trust in Him.